I See You

At the retreat center I call "home", Shalom Mountain, one of the skills of loving that hangs on the wall begins with "I see you."

Why would I not see you? Why would the center's founder, Jerry Jud, feel the need to hang such guidance up on the wall as a reminder?

One reason that occurs to me this morning is that, in seeing you, truly seeing you, I might have to let go of a fantasy that is dear to me, perhaps a fantasy about you, or a fantasy about me, or a fantasy about the way things are.

But why are these fantasies so dear to me? Why do I shield myself from what is with a suit of armor crafted of fantasies?

I believe a major reason is to protect myself from the realization that most of what happens in life is outside of my conscious control. So much of what happens is either controlled by others, or other forces, or done automatically, without awareness, by me.

This is not something my ego wants to hear. In fact, this is very bad news for the ego. So, my ego creates a world that appears to be safer that Reality, made safe by delusions. These fantasies, however, get in the way of our connection to each other. They undermine intimacy.

So, as I bring these ego-manufactured fantasies to my conscious awareness, I start to see the goggles through which I have looked at you. And, once I see the goggles, I have the choice of taking them off so that I truly can see you as you are.

The removal of these goggles is just another way I wake up. It also is a way for me to love you.