The Universe Within Us: Embracing Curiosity and Compassion Through "Sonder"
Have you ever paused to consider that the universe you experience—the colors you see, the thoughts you think, and the emotions you feel—might exist solely within you? Your perspective on the world is uniquely yours, shaped by a lifetime of experiences, beliefs, and memories. This means that the world each of us lives in is our own personal universe, unlike anyone else’s.
This idea is both humbling and eye-opening. It calls us to recognize a remarkable truth: every person around us is also living in their own universe. Each of them carries an inner world that’s just as complex, detailed, and real to them as yours is to you. This phenomenon has a name, too—sonder, the realization that each passerby has a life as vivid and complex as our own. Understanding this, we can’t help but approach others with a sense of wonder.
The Reality of Different Universes
What we see, hear, and understand is filtered through our own perceptions and memories. Even something as simple as the color blue may be seen differently by each of us. Our "blue" might not match someone else's "blue," and in the same way, our entire experience of reality may be completely different. This is not just true of colors but of emotions, reactions, and understandings of the world.
Because of this, when we interact with others, we aren’t necessarily interacting with the “same” world. What you know as comforting, someone else might find unsettling. What you interpret as a friendly gesture, someone else might see as distant or cold. Each of us carries a perspective that’s built upon a lifetime of unique moments.
Entering the World of Sonder
Sonder invites us to recognize that every stranger, friend, and even those closest to us are experiencing life from their own equally vivid perspective. Imagine for a moment: the person sitting across from you in a café has an inner world full of memories, dreams, and struggles that you will likely never know. Just as you have a whole universe inside of you, so does everyone else.
When we embrace sonder, we begin to see people not as characters in our own story but as protagonists in their own. This mindset shift challenges our natural tendency to judge or assume that we know others’ intentions or understand their choices. Instead, it nudges us toward a more compassionate and curious approach. We start asking questions like, “What is this person’s world like? How do they see this situation?” rather than assuming they see things the way we do.
Moving from Judgment to Curiosity
When we encounter others with the awareness of sonder, we’re invited to approach them with curiosity and compassion rather than judgment. It’s easy to fall into the habit of assuming we know someone else’s motives or to make quick judgments about their behavior. But if we acknowledge that they’re processing life through a different universe of experiences, we open ourselves to a more understanding approach.
Curiosity becomes our guiding light. Instead of jumping to conclusions, we can pause and think, I wonder what has shaped this person’s perspective. What might they have gone through that led them to think or act this way? Asking these questions is not only respectful—it’s transformative. It encourages deeper connections and mutual understanding.
Compassion in Practice
This approach doesn’t just enrich our relationships; it also helps us grow as individuals. When we practice sonder and let go of our assumptions, we’re reminded that there’s always more to people than we can see.
In moments of conflict, this mindset can be particularly powerful. For example, if someone’s words or actions don’t make sense to you, instead of getting frustrated, you can think, They might be acting from a world I don’t understand yet. This shift opens up space for empathy. Rather than reacting defensively, you might ask questions, listen a little closer, and try to see beyond the surface.
This doesn’t mean excusing all behaviors or agreeing with everyone. Rather, it means respecting the complexity of each person’s journey and offering understanding instead of judgment.
Living in a World of Unique Universes
Our lives are filled with countless interactions, each an opportunity to practice sonder. By remembering that each person’s inner world is as intricate and vivid as our own, we not only deepen our empathy but also expand our sense of connection to the world.
Imagine a society where this perspective was widely adopted. Conversations would become more genuine, conflicts might soften, and compassion could replace judgment. The beauty of this mindset is that it doesn’t require anyone else to change; it simply asks us to approach others with the open-hearted curiosity they deserve.
So, let’s take a moment to sit with this. Reflect on the fact that everyone you pass by today is a universe of their own, filled with experiences you’ll never fully grasp. When we carry that knowledge with us, we enrich both our own world and the worlds of those around us.
