The Dance of Remembering and Forgetting: How We Find Bliss Amid the Suffering
We are naturally a series of rememberings and forgettings. It’s who humans are. This cyclical process is not a flaw in our design but an essential rhythm of existence, a dynamic interplay that defines the human experience. The relief of suffering and the bliss of connection lie in the moments of remembering, while the forgetting makes those moments possible.
To understand this, we need to look inward. Remembering, in its most profound sense, is not simply the recall of facts or past experiences. It is the reawakening to what we truly are—conscious beings, interconnected, unique expressions of a larger whole. This is what the mystics call "awakening" or "self-realization," and what scientists might describe as moments when the Default Mode Network (DMN) of the brain quiets, allowing a fuller, richer sense of presence to emerge.
But why do we forget? Why is it so hard to stay connected to this awareness? Forgetting, too, is a gift. It is the descent into the everyday, the mundane, the illusion of separation. It creates the contrast necessary for remembering to hold meaning. Without forgetting, there would be no context for the ecstasy of reunion. It is, paradoxically, the forgetting that makes us human—creatures bound to this earth, grappling with limitations, and finding ways to transcend them.
The Science and Spirit of Remembering
On a physiological level, the cycle of remembering and forgetting mirrors the way the human brain functions. Memory consolidation, for example, is an active process. Neuroscience shows us that our brains prune old neural connections to make room for new growth—a process both of letting go and creation. Similarly, the periodic quieting of the DMN allows us to step out of habitual self-referential thinking and experience a more expansive awareness.
This is echoed in the spiritual traditions that emphasize both practice and surrender. Meditation, prayer, movement, and breathwork all teach us to remember—to return to presence, to reconnect with the eternal Now. But they also reveal the inevitability of forgetting. We sit in meditation only to realize our mind has wandered. We vow to stay mindful throughout the day, only to find ourselves lost in thought five minutes later.
And yet, this forgetting is not failure. It is the space in which grace operates. Forgetting allows us to rediscover ourselves anew, to peel back the layers of our stories and find what lies underneath. Each moment of remembering is a triumph, not in spite of the forgetting but because of it.
The Bliss of Reunion
Herein lies the profound relief from suffering. In the remembering, we touch something timeless—a state of being that is not dependent on circumstances. This is where we find bliss, not as an escape from life but as a deeper immersion into it. Suffering arises when we resist the forgetting, believing we should always remain in a state of clarity and connection. But this belief misses the essential truth: we are designed to oscillate between forgetting and remembering. The rhythm itself is what gives life its texture, its richness, its depth.
Imagine music without silence, a painting without contrast, or life without night and day. The forgetting and remembering are part of a single dance. They shape the melody of our lives, inviting us to embrace both the longing and the fulfillment, the struggle and the release.
Practicing the Dance
So how do we live this truth? How do we navigate the forgetting without becoming lost, and embrace the remembering without clinging to it?
Cultivate Practices of Remembrance: Meditation, journaling, and mindfulness practices help us reconnect with our deeper selves. These moments of presence are not about perfection but about practice—the repeated act of returning.
Celebrate the Forgetting: Instead of berating ourselves for losing focus or getting caught in old patterns, we can honor the forgetting as part of the process. It creates the contrast that makes remembering meaningful.
Find the Bliss in Both: The relief of suffering and the bliss of being are not reserved for the moments of connection. They also exist in the space of forgetting, in the moments when life invites us to remember again.
In this way, we can come to see life as a dynamic interplay—a never-ending dance of forgetting and remembering. Each step, whether forward or back, is a movement of grace, a call to greater awareness, a deepening of our humanity.
Final Thought
The next time you catch yourself forgetting—whether it’s the purpose of your day, the depth of your relationships, or the beauty of this very moment—pause. Instead of frustration, feel gratitude. The forgetting is not an enemy but a portal, a necessary prelude to the relief and bliss of remembering. It’s all part of the dance, and we are its dancers.
